The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya - 02

I finally got around to watching the second episode - after many accused me of being unfair to judge this on the first episode. And so I watched the second. Twenty two minutes later, I was left with mind numbing drowsiness and robbed of precious time I'll never get back. I was hoping for an improvement - but if I wanted something to put me to sleep I know I'll watch this. I needed an SOS (Brigade) by the end of the episode!



So here we are at the start of episode 2. It's a prelude to episode 1 which people thought I didn't get! Lawl. Anyway, we are introduced (again) to ero-guy who likes his weirdo girls - any girl he sees is instantly beautiful, unless they take no notice of him. Straight away he gawks at Haruhi and his mindless monologues began to get on nerves. The un-natural speed of ero-guy's thoughts was as if he was trying to win a race on how much words he can squeeze in! He had plenty of time to bore me to death, too much time..
Haruhi gets irritated by normal people in her class and ero-guy asks her an unusual amount of questions about aliens, life in general and her hair. Yes we even get to know her hair plans from one week to the next! This should be made into a love-sim, certainly feels like one except ero-guy is an idiot. Enthralling stuff.



Ero-guy talks more about Haruhi, she tries out every club but ends up not joining them. Who would take her anyway? The last club she tries out is the track and field athletics club. All the males starts drooling over the other girls and rates them like objects for sale - eBay style!: A++++++
Back to class and everyone is swapping seats. Class President comes over and asks ero-guy how did he ever manage to get Haruhi to talk so much. Hello? This is a guys anime - ero-guy wants Haruhi, it will be done by episode 12! Haruhi manages sit behind him again. Coincidence? I think not! It was the only way to drive the story forward.



Finally after more monologues and talking - we get some action! Haruhi decides to make up her own club - and after all this time of swapping clubs. She truly is dense. Ero-guy obviously prides on his idea of actually talking to Haruhi and that it made her do something. So they run down after class and take over the literature club - which unrealistically only has one person - the club would have been shut down long ago. The poor girl in here ignores the idiots and continues reading her book, I sense one brain-cell of intelligence! Haruhi declares the room as hers: 'All your bases are belong to ME' and grabs a random girl with MOE potential. Oh it's playboy bunny from the first episode! It's clear that Haruhi only wants her for her big airbags. Yep I knew I was right all along. The title sequence also zooms in on bouncy boobs! This is genius material indeed.



The girl in the corner (Witch in first episode) continues reading once more as Mikuru Playboy-Bunny cries and gets abused by Haruhi's mad ambitions. So what exacly is this club of Haruhi's Ero-guy wonders after wiping up some drool. The S.O.S Brigade has come to life! Haruhi, Ero-Guy, Mikuru, b00k w0rm are all members as they wonder what they are going to do next with an insane MOE fangirl. I have come to a conclusion that this anime is 4-chan material but it's not made out of win. It FAILS.



Now I realise I will get flamed for this, but I'm not holding back on an anime which I find to be utter crap. If you wish to make comments go ahead, but everyone has their own opinions at the end of the day.
The monologues, the story progression and a scary amount of details that only a fanboy would find interesting is not enough for me. The character themselves are one-dimensional and bland although some will think I'm missing out on it's 'genius'. A guy and a girl in a school creating a home-made movie is genius? No. Is making fun of other anime genius? Only when it's funny - which this isn't. Will I watch the third episode? Now that's a joke! ;)

Overall: 3/10

Straight back to the crap pile!!

RAY The Animation - 01

What's this? A new anime that I actually like? I have a feeling that this medical drama spliced with kung-fu nurses will be knocked under the radar -which is a shame, because this is so much better than the rest I have seen so far! It tramples all over the very overrated and crap anime that is The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Just think female Black Jack and you get the idea about Ray - the young woman with X-ray vision. Instead of the hands of God she has the eyes of God!



From the dramatic direction of the opening, you know you are in for a treat! The camera swoops down to Black Jack who - makes a cameo appearence here - is treating a young girl who can't see. Obviously this girl is the heroine of this story named Ray. Black Jack tells the young Ray that she has special eyes and that she can choose what she can do with it. Flashback ends and we see the grown up Ray (looking cool as always) operating on the streets.
Kung-Fu nurse number 1 who found the woman being operated on, is in awe at Ray's hands on approach and how uncanny her surgeon skills are. Will they meet again? You can count on it!



The next day, we watch some very mild fanservice of Ray getting dressed for new job. She's the coolest doctor I've ever seen ;) The kung-fu nurses at the local hospital dicuss the events which no1 saw the previous night. No1 declares that Ray was the best thing she saw in two legs before she gasps in amazement at the visitor before her. *drumroll* it's RAY the new doctor! Number 1 Nurse's glasses steam up as she introduces herself as Misato. Ray wonders why she is acting so formal until she realises Misato is actually older than her.
Misato shows Ray around the hospital - but in particular a boy named Kenji piques Ray's interest. Could she have known him before?



The real reason why Ray was employed becomes clear, as Misato introduces her to a Yakuza crime lord. He has a tumour in his heart, but eveytime they try to operate on it - it mysteriously disappears! Ray's elite vision could solve their problems, if she decides to help him. They can't let the Yakuza lord die - it would destroy all remaining hope of telling all to the police. Ray refuses because the hospital is also testing a new drug on him, which she sees as morally wrong. Testing drugs for a profit is a big no-no.
Misato tells Ray they are going to start the operation anyway despite her high-held beliefs. The director of the hospital (a big burly man with an eyepatch) calls to Ray. He explains that even if they wish for him to die because he was a criminal, she shouldn't judge a person on their death bed. She also thanks the director for saving her life 10 years ago but their conversation is cut short by a ruckus inside the hospital.



Yay! Kung-fu nurses to the rescue! Old-skool alert as a bunch of Yakuza thugs break into the hospital. Misato is having none of it and decides to break their legs - and everything else! The two other nurses decide to have thier fun as well. Ray is meanwhile rushed into the operating room as she finally operates on the Yakuza. The tumour surrounding his heart seems to have grown since the last time she saw it - but the drug used on him earlier is working. Ray cuts him open and scalpals out the tumour as kung-fu nurses defend! The drama, the action! The director leaves Ray to the operation as he uses his powers to save his precious nurses from harm.
Finally as things settle down, the operation was a success and the hospital goes back to normal. Ray notices Black Jack outside and thanks him for her special eyes. She says she can't look into people's hearts but she can see through to Misato's bra. Yuri-licious!



Ray The Animation impressed me with it's tightly scripted story and direction. The animation itself is simple, but adequate and there is no character thrown in just for the sake of it. (Simoun.) Ray is mysterious, yet hiding a painful past - which makes her even more endearing. I have the first 3 mangas of Ray and it stays faithful enough without changing alot of ideas. If the episodes stay as good as this - then we have a winner! I'll cheat and say that Ray definately knows the boy Kenji - as he's directly linked to her past. ;) Medical science vs kung-fu nurses - a perfect blend of both drama and action.

Overall: 8/10

Best anime so far this season - based on first episodes anyway. ;)

Simoun - 01

Is girl x girl kissing the fuel of the future? Will sex changes happen by drinking some sparkly water? According to Simoun it is! Take flight with lesbians in training as they kill other lesbians in respirators. Be awed how out of place the CG looks and how amazingly forgettable all the characters are!



The premise of Simoun is interesting or just an excuse for some lesbian tongue wrestling. Everyone is female until they reach a certain age and then they can drink from a spring to change their sex if they wish. But of course once they change sex, they cannot pilot a Simoun (apparently a craft of the devil) and become an adult. From what I can gather from the overly confusing plot, the girls who pilot the Simoun crafts - do not wish to become male or have some special ability that can get around this. They are known as Simula.
Another interesting factor is that the first episode is narrated by the 'enemy' who is one of the many pilots wearing a respirator ala Darth Vader. Mamiko Noto is by far the most superior VA and using her Jigoku Shoujo style narration is made out of win! ;)
But let's get back to the actual plot..



Two countries are at war fighting over technology to give the country in question an upper hand. Neville and her partner Ameria are off to battle some badguys in their Simoun craft, along with a few other girls who barely get a mention. To spice things up, the creators thought that lesbian kissing was truly electric! The girls kiss their co-pilots and then spread the germs onto the green sparkly jewel for power. Think how much bacteria and saliva it uses up! Mamiko Noto explains via some narrative about the Simoun itself but I still don't get all the terminology.
The Simoun gang then battle in the air against the Darth Vader like enemy. They are outnumbered, so everyone goes into an attack pattern by shooting out lines from the back of their craft aka Remergion. When they are done it's up to the final pair (Neville and Ameria) to complete this pattern - but it FAILS.



So all that lesbian kissing for nothing? So it seems! Ameria shouts to Neville that she wants MOAR POWER - even if it means using up their life force. She hesitantly agrees and it goes wrong as she looks into the eyes of the enemy pilot narrating this episode. Some big explosions later and the Simoun gang are on the retreat but not before revealing a tint of green hair from the enemy pilot..
Back at the base, Ameria is presumed missing and the rest are contemplating their future. Who will help them fight if Neville is in angst mode and without a partner? A young girl is found on the premises - which is brought to the attention of the commander. She lets her join the group as they are getting short on pilots. She has green hair! Which means she was the one shot on the enemy craft? Probably!



A 'hero' barges in on the meeting and annouces herself as Aeru - 1337 pilot extrodonaire. She doesn't give a crap about the situation as long as she kills some badguys. So in and out like a whirlwind and jumps into a Simoun without a co-pilot. I have no idea why they decided to throw in such an annoying main character like that without some background first. Mind you, most of the characters are just as bad! So we have loli-evil girl who was the narrator of this episode, Aeru, the rest of the forgettables and the best character Neville who is throwing herself into the spring to change into a man. Life without her fellow co-pilot is like being a man - terrible. :P



It's easy to disregard this anime into the WTF and trying too hard pile. The plot is confusing to follow due to lack of explanation on the terminology. The lesbian kisses are possibly a cheap excuse to attract attention - even if they hold some purpose (powering up the ships). So many characters are introduced that I can only remember a handful of names. It's obvious that Aeru and Neville will pair up in the future and that the green-haired girl has some motive depsite her innocent looks.
Simoun has potential to be good, but judging by this episode - It will need to straighten out it's plot and explain some more about their world. The animation was nice and the characters was colourful - if looking suspciously a bit Mai-Otome like. The CG that was used was out of place and sometimes the drawn backgrounds was a bit plain for my liking. The music was a so-so affair - I'm not really keen on the jazzy aspects but the opening was decent.
I'll stick with this for another 1 or 2 episodes but until then it's slightly above average.

Overall: 6/10

Talk about confusing!

Strawberry Panic! - 01

Yuri. Shoujo-ai. Lesbians.
Three words that definately describe this series. Think Maria-sama ga Miteru without the subtlety, scandals, drama and without Yumi angsting over Sachiko on whether she should use a fork to eat a cheeseburger with. This is the lower denominator of anime - yes it's trashy, yes it's full of potential lesbians and yes why am I watching it?



There is nothing that much that I can write about Strawberry Panic but stating the obvious. "School age lesbians everywhere!!1 Zomg hawt yuri girl-on-girl action!" If you are expecting that, you'll be half disappointed - but it has enough yuri-filled subtext to put the whole of Maria-sama ga Miteru to shame and only by the first episode!
The plot is another postage stamp special. Transfer student by the name of Nagisa is on her first day to an all-girls school. She bumps into a 'mysterious' older student who comes across as being a predatorial lesbian looking for prey. Looks like she's found it! Nagisa drops her keyring out of awe of this magnificent lesbian standing before her and of course is paralysed by her ultra gay stare.



Lesbian leaves before giving Nagisa the traditional lesbian CPR which should be the staple in all shoujo-ai hint series! (see ep1 of Mai-Hime and Kannazuki no Miko) Nagisa finds it all too hot to handle and faints instead. I'm disappointed!
She wakes up in one of the dormitories in the all-girls school and is met by the lecherous stare of yet another school girl lesbian! Nagisa wonders why this girl is taking her 3-size measurements for a uniform - when it's a one-size fits all. Naturally, this lesbian is her roommate and introduces herself as Tomae. She gives a saucy little wink to Nagisa and thanks her for the help to fill up two pages in her little black book - full of unhealthy stats of numerous girls. Yay.



Tomae shows Nagisa around the lesbian campus of the school. It's apparently split up into 3 different sections depending on what moe flavoured school uniform one is wearing. She then carries on explaining about the awfully strict curfew at 6pm (more fun in the bedroom ;) ) and leaves Nagisa to wander about. The curfew is stated for a reason, as she runs after the lesbian she met the first time. Oh noes..she disappears again and leaves Nagisa running towards the gates of the school!
The sister of the school brings Nagisa in and gives her a good ol' lecture about rules. Maybe she should lecture her to stop thinking about lesbians and concentrate! Youko lookalike with blue hair arrives in and commands authoritah. Nagisa is enthralled yet again by lesbian coolness as she explains about the Etoile - 'who everyone loves'. We wonder who that could be? ;)



At this point we get a quick overview on the rest of the students, who are unsuprisingly just as gay for each other as we'd expect. Nagisa and co find their seats at the table for dinner and Youko lookalike tells her to introduce herself to the almighty Etoile. Yep, the Etoile (Shizuma) is infact the mysterious lesbian at the beginning and finds amusement in almost tongue wrestling Nagisa infront of everyone. Youko lookalike interupts a potential lesbian kiss and they all go back to eating...food. I suspect some actual kisses in episode 2!
At the end, Nagisa wonders how the hell can one school be so lesbian? It just can dear - when it appeals to the MOE group! ;)



I've never seen an anime quite so blantly shoujo-ai as this. However, it doesn't automatically make it any good. It has this Kagihime quality to me, partly due to the samey character designs, poor animation and bland, bland story! It's all well and nice roaming around the school - but I want to see some action, some angst and of course something that will grab my attention. I await the second episode in antcipation!
The most entertaining aspect of Strawberry Panic! was probably the ending sequence where the two main seiyuu's do a lesbian-esque pop video and fondle each other. I can only see die-hard shoujo-ai/yuri/moe fans watching this and getting some enjoyment out of it.
The sad thing is despite all of it's mediocrity, I'll probably keep watching.

Overall: 5/10

I wonder how many times I typed out lesbian for this review.. :o

Zegapain - 01

What exactly is a Zegapain? Is it an anime so full of cliches and CG that makes me want to Zegapain the main character ? Or is it a word that the producers thought would describe the Xbox 360's grandeur presence in Japan? We'll never know for sure - but one thing I do know is that mecha Zegapain looks like a HUEG Xbox with wings.



Meet Kyo, he is your typical anime stereotype hero. He has the spiky hair, that brash attitude and most of all - he's an idiot! But that's ok, he's going to save the world in his big mecha regardless!
Now we begin this tale with what looks like the destruction of Zegapain and Kyo degenerating at the same time. Cliche 01 Mysterious Girl appears and says her goodbyes - she will find him again! We flick to present day to a Mai-HiMe styled school and Kyo doesn't remember a thing. Just typical! His friends are doing a Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya style video but without all the crap. Then Kyo gets the brilliant idea for his friend to videotape this girl he sees at the school pool, so he can promote his swim club. Much to his friends despair - His testerone levels go sky high and he strips down and runs to the pool. Good doggy!



The girl at the pool is the Mysterious Girl we saw at the beginning of the anime. Kyo instantly falls in love with her and asks her what she is doing there. Write the answer on the back of a postcard please! ;) Mysterious Girl words some answers before diving into more mystery. The school council overlooks Kyo's presence - they are obviously onto something here. Kyo's hopelessly, devoted childhood friend wonders what on earth that was about and they leave to go home. Yep, we are all just about as confused!
They stop outside a petshop and we get a glimpse of what their world is like - mordern day with a bit more shiny things. Best friend takes delight seeing the puppies on sale but Kyo couldn't care less, he has a hawt chick on his mind for now! I can see childhood friend taking a jealous fit in a few episodes time!



Kyo is up in the middle of the night and he remembers what the mysterious girl said to him. SAVE THE WORLD! How cheesy can it get? But the mysterious girl appears out of nowhere and tells him to just do that. Kyo agrees as long as the girl goes into pr0n swimming tape. The swimming pool appears out of nowhere and as they jump into this 'videogame world'. Probably going to be some real-life thing set in the future when he realises he is killing people! Kyo and mysterious girl (who introduces herself as Shizuno) are now inside this mecha, she says it is called...ZEGAPAIN.



This being based on a videogame for the Xbox 360 , shows up at this point. Zegapain looks like a mecha Xbox! The focus points on their foreheads seem to indicate their class: Kyo is a 'Gunner' while Shizuno is a 'Wizard' but I suppose Shizuno can be easily replaced by any random female. Kyo is probably the only one who can pilot a 1337 mecha such Zegapain - being a schoolboy with no redeeming qualities and all. Kyo and Shizuno take out some drones to show off the CG productions which puts Tank Police S.W.A.T. to shame! It isn't hard to do! A few conversations later, they help out another gunner and wizard on another machine. They gasp in amazement as Shizuno tells them who is piloting it..it's Kyo! (Didn't he die at the start?) ;) After all that commotion, Kyo and Shizuno return to 'present day' and they kiss. It was fine until they did!



Zegapain had some nice touches among the cliches. At least it was futuristic which is always better than boring slice-of-life anime (Honey & Clover I'm looking to you!). I feel that Shizuno is hitting on Kyo far too quickly - even if they are destinied/have met before. While Kyo himself is so cliched that I can't be bothered even writing about him. Just look at any other spiky haired 'hero'.
I think I know the whole story even before it hits the second episode! *hint* Kyo from the future dies and they travel back to get him again. Will it end up in the same way? Maybe not, but that's my prediction!
The CG effects was well done on the whole and the action was decent. However it's lacking something..perhaps a likable character!

Overall: 6/10

Not bad. Not great. Just average.

Ouran High School Host Club - 01

I predict that this will be the yaoi-fangirl's favourite this season, as it contains every 'type' of bishie apart from emo-slit-my-wrists. Shame! Certainly, it was a lot better than the abomination that was the WORST ANIME OF 2006 (SO FAR) but then again, it would take something truly awful to beat that! Lots of pink walls and blue uniforms depict the 'rich' atmosphere of the wealthy, as the Ouran Host Club use their gay vibes on yaoi-fangirls to make some cash. Fun.



The premise for this anime is simple: take a postage stamp and write a plot on the back. When done, add yaoi-fangirls and a gay club that caters for their every fetish. Oh and toss in the 'genius' plot twist about an ambiguous girl who knocks over a crappy looking vase worth millions. Instead of being angry, the gay club assume she is really a he and revel in 'him' working for them.



The Ouran Host Club use their time wasting talents on catering for yaoi fangirls and of course - they make use of their talents so well. The leader is nicknamed King, but for all general purposes I will rename him Queen. He gets the most yaoi-fangirls and is second to none in comparison to the rest of the group. Twincest ahoy for the next duo with rhyming names - Kaoru and Hikaru. The not4chan favourite of shota-loli boy named Honey, complete with pink rampant rabbit and finally the other two whose names I can't remember. I'll call them glasses and KL. They invite otaku geek Haruhi - who knocked over the priceless vase - to see how the wealthy act because Haruhi is... *drumroll* the poorest student in the school. Predictable!



Haruhi makes instant coffee for everyone with onlooking amusement and does some menial tasks for the gay group. Oniisama e angst this ain't, it's not even taken seriously which is perhaps the reason for the postage stamp plot. It gets worse for Haruhi when KL takes off her geeky glasses - they want her to join the Ouran Host Club! Queen is especially impressed by her natural poor looks and demands for Haruhi to pay off her debts by enticing 100 yaoi-fangirls! It's more easier done than said for Haruhi as she gets off to a great start, these yaoi-fangirls are easily pleased! However one yaoi-fangirl nicknamed Princess - in particular, gives Haruhi the cold shoulder, she doesn't like Queen drooling over that n00b.



The princess yaoi fangirl proceeds to throwing out Haruhi's things out of a window. She really is the best character out of this anime! ;) Haruhi is a bit dismayed by this 'bullying' - oh please, if you want real anime bullying and angst watch Onnisama e! She is about to fish out her things but not before the gay host club finds out that 'he' is infact 'she'. It was an episode of queer eye for the straight guy until then!
Queen was the only one who didn't realise earlier and he acts like a total drama queen. He then decides to help out Haruhi get out her stuff and humiliate Princess for throwing it out. I sense the romance vibes already! Meh.



If this plays out in typical shoujo fashion the following will probably happen:
- Haruhi will end up with Queen after a catfight with malicious yaoi fangirls
- Princess will find out Haruhi is female and so will the other students - but they don't mind!
- A crisis faces the host club but they will make it through
- A rival club tries to grab Haruhi for themselves

If none of the above do not appear, I will eat my DAS BOOTS!

I enjoyed watching this fun, if shallow slice of shounen-ai subtext-filled comedy. It is well animated, the designs are typical shoujo-style and colourful. The opening and ending songs were not to my taste however, as it sounds just like everything else in the anime world. I see potential in Ouran becoming better if it has more drama and problems. More angst please! If nothing else takes my interest, I'll probably start blogging this. I just hope I won't be that desperate. ;)

Overall: 6/10

To blog or not to blog, that is the question..

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya - 01

This could well be on it's way on topping my worst anime of 2006 and it's not even halfway through the year yet! Take a reject from "Key-rape" Kagihime, throw in some MOE (lots of it) and two loser ero-guys who are making a pr0n RPG hentai. A home grown family movie this ain't - it's an otaku's wet dream come true. The melancholy part of the title, only applies to us poor souls that have to endure this crap! Truly, a stroke of genius on the creator's behalf by warning us!



We delve into this peep-show by completely ignoring that tone-deaf title sequence. The singing is bad on purpose, but if it was tolerable it wouldn't be 'funny'. The thing is: Haruhi Suzumiya is not even humourous - not in the slightest. It's closer akin to being a borefest with the monologues of the narrator - who is a complete perv - as we later find out. He's trying to make a home movie and this is it:
This sad, sad tale starts off with Playboy Bunny looking perfectly MOE and teary eyed. Just how we like them! Her name doesn't really matter as the camera pans onto her two airbags more than her face. I'll name them me-bouncy which is probably more memorable. So there she is - me-bouncy, selling some goods in her outfit and showing no discount to her male fans. The horror. Cue panning shot of her running at least 4 times through the shopping district for boobage shots. Once the narrator thinks he has enough (once wasn't!), he lets me-bouncy go home and do a striptease.



We are introduced to the next character in this story, as me-bouncy got changed into her Variable Geo styled outfit - complete with baggage. This new character is Love-sim reject number 2 complete with no personality and crappy looking hat. Kids and their RPG fetishes! Me-bouncy slurs out some mumbo-jumbo and proceeds to insult Sailor Moon by copying her pose! Love-sim reject 2 is not impressed and boringly beats her up with her vibrating star wand. *yawn* But what have we here? Ero-guy appears and lifts up me-bouncy to a bed as the narrator curses him to death like as if it was important. "Me-bouncy's airbags was checked over for any punctures" should be the disclaimer for the end of his pr0n movie!



Narrator/Director isn't happy and we swiftly move onto the next scene. Me-Bouncy has some new equipment to make her look more scary than ever before. All hail: Me-Bouncy-Gunz as she gets all teary eyed again and sounds sooo convincing to Love-Sim Reject 2! But to add in variety we get B-movie zombies than actually are better actors than the main characters of this pr0n movie. Way to go!
By this moment my eyes was rolling back from utter and sheer boredom. It's certainly a good alternative to use instead of sleeping pills. If only it was as entertaining to boot!



A few blank shots later, we swing onto the school grounds. Pr0n movie making holds no bounds! Me-Bouncy, Love Sim Reject 2 and B-movie zombie make their moves onto ero guy- who is obviously enjoying all the attention. They all catfight over him and proceed to the roof and call out to the aliens (the people who made this and thought it was cool) and cue RPG style muuzak. Yay. Talking cats are used as props as well, I wouldn't let Ero guy near them just to be on the safe side.
Eventually all the rejects go into the film room to review the masterpiece and laugh hysterically at it's badness. So let's review: moe, fanservice , booby bags , moe, Love-Sim Reject, moe, fight, moe, fanservice, ero-guy, moe, monologues, moe, zombies, fanservice, moe, b-movie zombies, more, final battle, rpg muuzak, fanservice, beastility and cat moe. 4-channers would think this anime is made out of win!



I think Haruhi Suzumiya is on par with Honey & Clover and ARIA for the boring factor. There can't be anything worse than non-entertaining anime! Even Violence Jack is more watchable than this drivel. The peep-show idea theme is plain wrong, the main character of me-bouncy is MOE material and as for the rest - I couldn't care less. However, I will give an extra point for being a little bit original. I'm generous.

Overall: 2/10

Straight to the crap pile.

Keisatsu Sensha Tai TANK S.W.A.T. - 01

AKA. Dominion Tank Police S.W.A.T.
S.W.A.T. is another sequel to the Dominion Tank Police series by the man who gave us Ghost In The Shell and Appleseed. Just take out everything good about DTP, throw in some crappy looking CG and you get something like this. Be warned, you are expected to know all the characters beforehand as there isn't an inch of character development or recap within the 30 minutes. After lots of explosions and poor direction later, methinks Leona Ozaki should stick to being 2D!



First thing is first, how did they manage to ruin this?

- Removal of any humour that was present in the previous series
- Captain Britain and Leona's love interest are nowhere to be seen!
- Uber serious Comissioner complete with sinister voice and no personality is thrown in for 'realism'
- The use of Playstation 1 style CG for backgrounds and cel-shaded models for the characters. It was done well in Appleseed, but obviously this didn't get such a high budget. If it's going to look like crap, don't use it at all!
- Poor direction. I think that even The Blair Witch Project did a better job of swinging around a camera!



Now with all that out of the way, I can get on with the review itself!
Leona Ozaki with the Puma sisters on her side, are in the middle of a holdout. It seems that more androids are terroising the city and the tank police are out to stop them. After endless explosions and shaky direction later - they won. But being typical anime, it isn't all over just yet. The n00b of the tank police named Asada, manages to get herself a Battle Royale styled, timed-bomb-collar chained to her neck. The uptight Comissioner isn't happy and orders Leona and gang to take out the enemy who is yet another android.
I found this very confusing as it's not very well explained. The android appears out of nowhere, disrupts the elevator system and swings around memory cards (the only way to disrupt the bomb on n00b's neck) to taunt the tank police into making a wrong decision. You see, n00b is carrying around a big bag (that is not explained also) that the andriod wants for some reason and it's probably not just to hold his golf clubs in either!



Anipuma and Unipuma discuss about how Leona needs to buy them a big lunch and even n00b wants some! Leona tells n00b to go to the roof of the building as she hasn't failed to save anyone..well not yet. Android then again tosses some more memory cards into a cup annoyingly and laughs at their futile attempts to outdo him. Comissioner gets angry and tells Leona that n00b isn't worth saving as she's only a n00b. Leona of course disobeys his orders and demands that her beloved tank, The Bonaparte, to be taken up to the roof.
Comissioner gets angry again and takes a gun with some men also to the roof. Android laughs again and throws off the actual memory card that can unlock the bomb collar - but Anipuma saves it! Lots more explosions and crappy 'psycho' dialogue later, Leona reaches the roof, figures out the androids plan and saves the day, and all for one crummy bag too. It's only just the beginning of crap CG and 'serious' Tank Police!



What can I say? I was looking forward to some Dominion Tank Police action but this is something different entirely - they managed to ruin everything what made it good, with the combination of poor direction, graphics and characters! The plot of holding a hostage and bomb was quite clever but it didn't manage to do either that well. I suggest anyone who is curious to see what this is like to watch Dominion Tank Police and New Dominion Tank Police to get a background on the whole concept. Even I was lost within the explosions and the annoying memory card tossing! Stay away otherwise!

Overall: 4.5/10

Leona is a shadow of her former self!

Gokujou Seitokai - 26 [END]

It's always sad to part with a series you enjoy, especially one that introduced the word Paya-Paya and the loviness of Kuon to the world. They used up all the drama and revelations in the previous episode and so the finale reverts back to the way it was - Gokujou Seitokai style! Now with added Kuon-vitamins to brighten up your day!



It's back to the school for our little club members! The drama and revelations are thrown out the window and the gags are back in, namely involving Rino and Minamo's active imagination! Everyone is still reeling from Kanade's sudden departure however and reminice about her as if she has just died. She's only across town discussing her future with four old corpses! They tell our dear Kaichou that she has to be the Head of the Jinguuji as some super-duper special elite club beginning with V will force her to.
The spotlight swings to Seina (Darth Vader) who reveals her true colours once again. She conviently takes over this V club (at that moment no less!) and orders the suprised - yet relieved - Kanade that she no longer needs to be held down by the ties of the Jinguuji, because she has found someone stronger. Yep, only in anime can a puppet named Puu-chan be strongest force to be reckoned with! Puu-chan laughs at the Jinguuji trials and reveals one final revelation: His real name is Tetsuya, he is also Rino's brother and that he died some years back! There's nothing worse than a puppet with some hidden history! ;)



Meanwhile back at the school, everyone else is still depressed about Kanade. The higher ups of the Gokujou Seitokai; Nanaho and Kuon discuss about the future and acts how repressed lesbians should act! Their flirting game is interrupted by Kotoha, as Kuon announces she is leaving the school. Kotoha who secretly loves Kuon (I mean who wouldn't?) is practically begging the supreme Goddess to stay but she won't listen to tree hugging ninjas! Kuon is leaving because it's in Kanade's best interests and she dislikes tree huggers. 'Nuff said.
Rino, Kaori and Ayu are on the school roof angsting over President of gayness Kanade. Rino users her powers to send her love to Kanade - just as a car rolls into the school..



Summer turns to Autumn and Autumn into Winter..and nearly a whole year flashes by in a few second! Tokimeki Memorial hints are present as Gokujou life returns to normal and the graduation is underway. A few tears are shed as Kanade takes the speech with Kuon's encouragement. It can't be the end of the best student council there ever was?
Of course not! A few months later and Nanaho has taken over as the new president, Kaori has been promoted to vice-president and Kuon still controls that whip. Seina is now a student teacher and Kanade who needs to come back for some girl x girl love is principal of the school.
The Boys Brigade return with a avengence as well..the Gokujou Seitokai are BACK!



For the big finale, the Gokujou Seitokai do their signature moves on the boy brigade and Rino blows everyone away with a Puu-chan dynamic! Looks like nothing has changed after all: Kanade is still there being as gay as ever, Rino still doesn't know who Mr. Popitt is or that Puu-chan is really her brother! So much for tying up those loose ends!

Overall: 7.5/10

Final Thoughts
Gokujou Seitokai certainly brightened up a dire Winter season for me. The characters get enough time to develop with some laughs along the way. The story doesn't take itself too seriously and stomps alot of comedy anime to the ground in my opinion - it was always good to see another episode! If there are faults, it's perhaps there are too many filler episodes and the actual plot itself didn't develop until episode 23 (though there are hints beforehand). The ending is open enough to hopefully get a second series or OVA ! So if you are looking for a school comedy with some eccentric humour then look no further - a girl and her talking puppet is all you need!

Series Overall: 7/10

Let's all mourn for the best character in the series - Ginga Kuon. I will miss you!

Gokujou Seitokai - 25

This is the episode where EVERYTHING HAPPENS. That's right! Fighting, revelations, telepathic powers and a bunch of characters who were so forgettable that the writers decided to throw them all back in for a cameo role! All while Kanade sips tea in her leisurely mansion - thinking of how to come out of that closet. Let the drama begin!



Picking up from the previous episode, the Gokujou gang (minus the heavenly Kuon) arrive via the yellow tart cart at the Jinguuji mansion. Nanaho and Seina make up the forefront of devising a cunning plan as everyone else mourns thinks about Kanade and how they were all gay for her. Truly a most angsty scene before we get some action, finally! They pair up into their couples..I mean groups and attack the mansion Gokujou style!



Sayuri and Rein are first up as the ambigious gay duo! They beat up some Jinguuji bodyguards with their trademark 'moves' until a bunch of nobodies burst in onto the scene. They are: the Boy Brigade from the episode 2, the girl rivals, the chefs, the photography club, the sports rivals, the curry woman, Cindy's mother and the ever all present teachers! They are all drawn to Kanade's powers it seems! Spread that love! And speaking of love, Sayuri tells Rein how important she is to her - am I sensing some paya-paya? ;)
Meanwhile, the rest of the Scooby gang delve deep into the underground which not even Nanaho knew about - but Seina did! REVELATION 1: Seina proclaims she is of Jinguuji blood but since she has no powers, she had to change her second name. Same with her little sister Minamo. Who knew? I always thought Seina was on the dark side but alas she seems to have redeemed herself! Kanpai! But this is no time for chit chat, more Jinguuji men in black want some hot loli.



As the group split up again, Cindy reveals her true nature! REVELATION 2: Cindy can speak Nihongo-desu just fine! Seems like her mother kept telling her she was wrong. No Cindy, turn back - I miss your Engrish! Pretty much afterwards Landlady attacts the attention of some men via her loli charms, but Landlady HAETS PERVS - REVELATION 3: Landlady knows more fighting moves than Rino and Kanade combined! Elementary schoolgirls ala Kill Bill style is made out of win!
The Kaori and Nanaho team are in trouble until... *drumroll* the ever almighty, extremely beautiful and all wise Kuon (!!!) arrives just in time to save them. She makes up some excuse for seeing Nanaho again and Nanaho wins for most dense question ever: "So you came back to see Kanade, Kuon?" Yeah - she really wanted some *wink wink* paya-paya with her too!



Meanwhile Kanade in comfort with her bodyguard is sensing something is wrong. She desperately tries to contact Rino, because using her powers means she will have no freedom!
It's all in vain as Rino unleashes her Puu-chan powers infront of a group of bodyguards! Puppets with powers are tres cool. Kanade rushes past all the guards and goes all gay over Rino. REVELATION 4: Rino's powers are her incredible shout ability and puppet. Kanade's powers are even better, she can telepathically communicate with anyone she loves. Hence the whole Gokujou group running into the building and declaring their love for her! Kanade has it going on! ;D



It was almost a gay confession there (!) and sadly the episode ends with just one more to go. But the fact that they used up most of the revelations means there are hardly going to be any in the final episode. As long as they make it as dramatic, angsty, sentimental and utterly gay as this one - I can't see how it can fail! Hopefully they will resolve up all the loose ends and explain about the mysterious evil sect that is Jinguuji!

Overall: 8.5/10

One can never have enough Kuon!