Resident Evil: Apocalypse

During my lunch-break from work a few days ago, I stumbled across an eye-catching film or rather 1337 front cover in the local Woolies. £6.99 for Resident Evil: Apocalypse? Bargain I thought! Tried raking around the DVD bargain bin for the prequel but was sadly disappointed! I think I got the last copy, as the shop assistant just handed me the DVD box which I took from the bargain bin rack - might as well just have stolen from the store!

As expected, Resident Evil Apocalypse was going to take me a ride around Racoon City before it goes out with a bang!

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Age Rating: 15+
Company: Columbia/Tristar
Genre: Zombie infused action!
Running Time: Approx 90 mins
Region: 2



Incase you lived in a cave over the past few years (I'll forgive you!). The Resident Evil series is based on the highly popular Survival Horror genre of videogames - mostly found on the Playstation 2 and Gamecube. Resident Evil Apocalypse is the second Hollywood film based on the games. It's a sort of re-telling of Resident Evil 3 mixed with Resident Evil Outbreak as Alice hogs all the scenes. But more of that later!
So I put the DVD into my DVD player..and awaited some 1337ness.
I was looking forward to seeing some 'Jill-sandwich' action, as she was so great in the games. We are treated to her sex on legs in the intro of the film, whilst she slips her feet into something more comfortable. Of course her clothes still remain as they do in Resident Evil 3! They offer more eye candy than protection but I'm not complaining. ;)



Having not seen the first film, I was worried I might have missed an intricacy of plot! Thankfully, Alice explains the fully story (probably) of what previously happened to her a.k.a. not much! Basically, the whole city has become infected with the T-virus and zombies are rampaging everywhere! Besides the fact that these cosplayers are out to get some brains we meet a bunch of survivors as Alice escapes from Umbrella labs - naked bar a white sheet wrapped around her of course!
Meanwhile English scientist bearing the name of Ashcroft, pervs on zombies and with his 1337 haxx0rs skillz and controls the local CCTV cameras - Under the excuse that he's looking for his daughter. Noticing the band of misfits which comprises of Jill-sandwich, black guy dies first, pimp0r, media-whore and s0ldier he demands they retrieve his daughter while he gives them an escape route out of the city. Why? It's going to get nuked! We all know what they choose!

They bump into Alice during a rather over the top scene in a church. See below!



Jill becomes h4rdc0r3 and responds with "Who the fuck are you?" and lights up a cigarette. After picking up my eyes off the floor, more action orientated scenes occur with Jill trying to compete with Alice. Sadly, who can compare to a now enhanced Alice infected with T-virus? Whoops was that a spoiler! Some of the scenes was so OTT that was unintentionally hilarious.
I almost forgot about Nemesis, this so called 'monster' was neither scary or dangerous..so much so that Alice and Nemsis go all fight club on us and fight with fists only. I wondered what the point was of this scene, I mean..Nemesis was so powerful in Resident Evil 3 that even a crapload of bullets didn't knock him down. However our Alice can kill him off easily!

Kudo points to the film doing cameo scenes from the various RE games!
Resident Evil 1: "No don't go!" arms out stretched looking up to a helicopter lol. Also, the craptastic slow-motion cameras used for the zombies..even the sound effects are recycled from the game!
Resident Evil 2 - A gas filled tanker crashes into a car.
Resident Evil Cide Veronica - Alice runs like the wind ala Claire Redfield evading bullets from a helicopter. Armed soldiers tell her to put up her hands - which she does and drops her gun and then in mid-air, Alice grabs it again and shoots them. Really loved that scene! Must have studied RE:CV hard.

I liked how the director made his own character better than everyone else, so much so..she comes back to life after death at least twice!
The story was obvious and cliched, the action was way over the top and reminded me of Devil May Cry more than anything! Switch your brain off and enjoy the ride! Expect anything else and end up being disappointed!

Pros
+ Jill-sandwich
+ Good special effects and OTT action scenes
+ RE cameo scenes!

Cons
- Cliche after cliche
- Zombies looked more like bad cosplayers
- er..plot?
- Nemsis isn't scary at all!
- Fight Club :x

Overall: 6.5/10

A good action film - but that's all it is.

Cyber X #01

Time for a change, now for something a bit 1337.

The Japanese do not realise they probably get better trance complications than what we do here in the UK or so I think!
Released in 2003 (One of the years of great trance) this album mixed original Japanese trance with a few western tastes in there. It's purely commercial, but great - with the likes of Ayumi Hamasaki, Keiko from Globe and Groove Coverage.

Cyber X - Cyber X #01





1. Cyber X Feat. Misono - 11 Eleven (3:28)
Misono from Day After Tomorrow provides the vocals for this uplifting and cheerful track. It's a great opener and sets the pace for the rest of this trancetastic CD.
Rating: 8/10

2. Cyber X Feat. Ruppina - Little Flower (5:29)
Probably the only 'real' trance track on this CD as some people would class it - the least commercial sounding whilst still being commercial. It is the longest song - also there is no 'Engrish' in this despite the title! Not to say I was disappointed! Lol. Good vocals, Good music - What else can I say? ;)
Rating: 8/10

3. Cyber X Feat. Maxi Priest - Season In The Sun (3:43)
Wow.. male vocals in a trance song, it's very rare! Very commerical sounding and perfect if your driving somewhere! A relaxing summer type song but it's hardly exciting. It is in English w00t!
Rating: 7/10

4. Ayumi Hamasaki - Connected (Push Remix) (4:43)
Taken from Ayu trance - where all of Ayumi's most popular songs are 'enhanced' and actually sound better in my opinion! She always gets the best DJ's to remix her songs and this is no exception where the very famous Push does his reworking - but there are better remixes and better songs, unless you are an Ayu die-hard fanatic.
Rating: 5/10

5. Cyber X. Feat. Rozalla - Everybody's Free (To Feel Good) (3:50)
I don't like this song - it was first released in the UK in the early 90's. It sounds alright but I just don't like it! *skips*
Rating: 4/10

6. Cyber X. Feat. Tomiko Van - Drive Me Nuts (3:51)
From the worst song to the best song! Tomiko Van from Do As Infinity provides the great vocals.. I just love her 'rock' type voice doing a trance song! I also love the Engrish! It is a memorable and catchy track with bouncy commercial tranceness. The best song on the CD!
Rating: 9/10

7. Cyber X Feat. Karyn White - I Don't Know Anybody Else (3:51)
OMG! Does this sound early 90's or what with the old skool piano going in the background! lol. Sounds like a song that would be perfect for Street Fighter 3/Capcom VS SNK 2 (London Levels). I would class this one under 'Dance' rather than 'Trance' though!
Rating: 7/10

8. Cyber X Feat. Yuri - Shooting Star (3:17)
How many remixes have I heard of 'Moonlight Shadow.'? It's just been rebranded under the name Shooting Star and sung in Japanese. It's not bad - it's quite catchy actually! :)
Rating: 7/10

9. System F - Spread Your Wings (3:56)
A stereotypical trance song done by Ferry Corsten under the name System F. It's fairly old (around 2000) and they probably threw it in as a filler. It is an okay song..nothing special or outstanding.
Rating: 6/10

10. Cyber X Feat. Jody Wately - Waves Of Love (4:24)
I really like this track, lovely English vocals backed up by uplifting, euphoric music and lyrics. It does sound like 'water' in a trance way! Lol. It was a hard choice between this and Drive Me Nuts as 'Best Track.'
Rating: 9/10

11. Groove Coverage - Moonlight Shadow (2:53)
It's 'Shooting Star' part 2! Anyway this is Groove Coverage's most popular song and it sounds good although typically German sounding trance. Nice vocals which is better than the music! lol. I think they should have put 'God Is A Girl' as it is a superior song but guess they wanted to put a familiar tune in it.
Rating: 8/10

12. Cyber X Feat. Keiko - Be True (5:25)
And here we come to the last song - and it's the most haunting one. Two verses are sung in Japanese and the rest is in English. It is dramatic yet weird at the same time.. about a girl who becomes a star as she falls in love with the music? It ends rather depressingly.. I want more Cyber X!! :x
Rating: 8/10

Overall: 8.5/10

Probably the first and only album of Cyber X!

Appleseed (2004)

I have a glutton for punishment it seems! Having just seen the b0r3fest that was FF7:AC, I decided to buy Appleseed, merely because it has a shiny metallic box stating 'Limited Edition.'
Comparisons to Final Fantasy: Advent Children cannot be avoided! Both OAVs share the term of Computer Graphics. Or is this just another plan to slag off FF7:AC even further? Then your probably right!
Incase you are wondering which 1337 CG DVD to get and can't be bothered reading any further, then I highly suggest Appleseed! Why? You'll just have to read on! ;)

Appleseed

Age Rating: 12+
Company: Optimum Asia/Geneon
Genre: Anime CG OAV Film
Running Time: Approx 103 mins
Region: 2



What is Appleseed all about we all wonder? Well, it is hard to describe! Thankfully the plot although tries to psychobabble (tm!) mixed with action ends up being obvious, mixed with action!
Appleseed is based on the manga/anime OAV by the very famous and perhaps overrated Shirow Masamune of Ghost In The Shell fame. Of course we are to expect strong female characters wielding guns and launching into big mecha. (Super Robot Taisen style)



After the action orientated opening ala FF7:AC - complete with gun-fu and slow motion, we are introduced to the world of Appleseed. We are then obliged to meet the main character strangely named Deunan. This 1337 warrior was not so 1337 when she got herself captured and thrown to the bisexual..er I mean BIoroid Hitomi, who decides to show the poor woman around Utopia - The city known as perfection.
Deunan beforehand, was fighting an unknown war by herself up to this point. We don't really know why either! but she dreams of her hunk saving her at least 90% of the time. But alas, fate was cruel, so her hunk is now a metallic chunk who has about as much personality as the cyborg he now is! However - this Utopia is not so perfect, as 80% are comprised of Bioroids who are synthetic humans, practically peacekeeps of the city as the human traits of emotion was removed from them. Also, the added twist is that they cannot reproduce so making sure the human race survive.
The main plot? Apart from BIoroid Hitomi throwing herself at Deunan and reminicing about love and lots of blowing up action, there is one! Thank god this isn't another FF7:AC.
The main system of Utopia named Gaia decided on the fate of humans and Bioroids alike, and the twisted Elders who look after the system decide to dupe Duenan into helping them. Hitomi our poor BIroid is put into a coma because some terrorist group blows up the system that keeps Bioroids functional. Duenan to the rescue as she decided to help out Hitomi!
After lots of typical plot cliches like backstabbing and a OTT OMG dying scene to her hunk a chunk Briareous - our herione finds a bit about her past. Which was probably the best part of the whole OAV in my opinion!



However, there seems alot of questions that remain unanswered after the cheese ending. Like how does Hitomi know the passcodes? (The anime OAV and manga lets you know lol) and why didn't Athena's side-kick get a more of a part? She was 1337!

CG-wise, you can tell they spent alot of effort on the character models. The style reminded me of the PS2 Cel-shaded game named Crimson Tears. It's very appealing to the eye but I felt, especially at the start that I was watching a FMV sequence rather than a OAV film. But it does get better! In some ways, I think it is superior to the 'graphix' shown in FF7:AC. On the back of the box I like how it states it has great music by the likes of Basement Jaxx. But do I really care? No. The music reminded me of Tekken more than anything!

Overall, after you get past the first action bit..I was pleasantly surprised. Top notch action, an interesting story and finally likeable characters! While it's not epic material, it's a good way to spend an hour and a half in the Appleseed world.

Pros
+ Great CG
+ Interesting plot with underlying themes
+ Likeable characters
+ BIoroid Hitomi!

Cons
- Was very predictable
- Some scenes are a bit drab
- Matrix was done 5 years ago
- Plot holes!

Overall: 7.5/10

H-I-T-O-M.... :D

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Good ol' bittorent hasn't failed me yet!
Perhaps downloading the biggest hyped up game film ever, 2 days before it's actual release date raised my expectations. I mean.. it's Final Fantasy VII!
What could go wrong?

Sadly, Square didn't learn from it's mistake from Final Fantasy: Spirits Within. Although the big budgeted movie had all the ticks in the right boxes, the lackluster reviews and revenues almost made the mighty Square bankcrupt.
So a few years later, here we are with Square's latest offal - I mean offering. ;)

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children



Firstly, I'll state the only good point - yes the CG is very good. Infact in some places it was almost lifelike, probably due to the fact they used motion capture. Backgrounds are excellent and detailed, expressions are done well enough, but I feel in some places Sqaure rushed this out and it's a little rough around the edges.
So while the Computer Graphics are stunning, they are not revolutionary.
Now onto the story!

The OVA 'film' starts off well enough, showcasing the highlights from the Final Fantasy VII game and highly glossing over the events that happened, 2 years beforehand. Then us the viewers, are treated to a Midgar we barely recognize - with slummy children bearing an unknown disease. Infact, we don't know the origins of this so called 'Geostigma' apart from that the world caused it. The Ghibli-effects are in place!
Oh and three lunatic 'clones' of Sephiroth (or so what I gathered) are looking for mother Jenova for a loving 'Reunion' and then proceed to attack motorbike d00d Cloud, with 1337 big swords.
Thus begins the mundane 'action'.

Square was obviously trying to cash-in on the latest 'coolness' of Devil May Cry style action but fails miserably. While the fights are stylised and action-packed, they are also confusing to follow. Suddenly Cloud unleashed his BIG two swords from his motorbike (We see a repeat of this at least 3 times to make sure we know) and gun-fu's his way into a battle ala Dragon Ball Z. They fly through the air, crash through buildings and make the earth shatter in two and without any blood spilled! Fantasy it sure is!



Annoyances!
The little orphans was duely aggrovating, especially Marlene and her little friend. Strangely the style is remicent of the 'ugly' Vahn from FFXII and those particular orphans reminded me of reject versions of Aeris and Tidus (FFX) respectively!
The enemies are nothing to brag about either.. looks like the styles and personality was ripped off a shounen jump mag to appeal to the fanboys. There is no depth whatsoever to their characters. They suddenly appear and want to fight. Wow!
Then I was hoping the music would be better, of course it wasn't!
Fans of the game may recognize pieces of the game music 'cleverly' inserted into this 'epic'. But no, they had to ruin that as well! Instead of the lovely melodic tunes left untouched - we get terrible rock infused 'cool' versions to listen to! I felt like switching the background music off!
It was that bad!
However, the voice acting was the usual anime-fare so no complaints there!

Did I mention the story? Considering it has only 600 lines of text for 1 hour and 30 mins, it is lacking in that deparment as well. There is no background to any of the random and forgettable orphans that Cloud and Co protect. Instead we get more motorbikes, sword fighting, and a yawnfest.
Makes 'The Island' seem like a deep film in itself! But that's another story. ;)



Overall, another BIG disappointment.. and that's not Cloud's 'sword' either!

Pros
+ Computer Graphics are simply the eye candy.
+ Tifa's fight
+ I can't think of anything else

Cons
- Poor plot
- Very cliched
- Action scenes are OTT and overdone with the 'Gun-Fu'
- The music!
- Trying to be cool, it isn't :x
- Save the children!
- zZZzzZzZZz

Overall Rating: 3/10

Let's all hope Square sticks to gaming from now on!

Oh and here's a little picture of Tifa, the only worthwhile character in the entire OVA/film! :D